Guides/Updated
The agreement checklist is a list of prompts two people work through together before anything goes ahead. It covers involvement, contact, expenses, screening, method and what the child is told, and ends with the last checks. It is a record of a conversation, not a legal document: take it to your own family lawyer.
This is general information to help you ask good questions. It is not medical or legal advice, and it cannot take your own situation into account. For that, speak to a doctor, a fertility clinic or a family lawyer where you live.
Involvement and contact
What part each person will play in the child's life, and how often you see and hear from each other before and after birth.
- What each of you will be to the child, in your own words.
- Who makes decisions about health, schooling and upbringing.
- What you do if one of you wants more, or less, involvement later.
- How much contact there is after birth, in what form, and whether wider family is part of it.
- When you will sit down and review how contact is going.
Expenses and screening
Who covers which real costs, and what each person will have checked. Nobody is paid for sperm, eggs or surrogacy.
- You both confirm that nobody is paying or being paid for sperm, eggs or surrogacy.
- Who covers testing, travel, clinic and legal costs, and how receipts are shared.
- Which checks each of you will ask a doctor or clinic about.
- How and when you share results with each other.
- What family health history each of you has shared, and what is still unknown.
Method
How conception will happen. Both people have to be comfortable.
- The method you have both agreed to, and the ones either of you has ruled out.
- Whether you are going through a clinic, and which one.
- That either of you can pause or stop at any point without pressure.
What the child is told
The story of how they came to be, and who tells it.
- What the child will be told about how they were conceived, and from what age.
- Who tells them, and what words you will use for each other.
- What information and records you will keep for the child to have later.
Before going ahead
- Each of you has had your own independent legal advice.
- You have a written agreement that you have both read and signed.
- You know how you will sort out a disagreement, and who could help you do that.
How Pedigree helps
- The checklist is in Resources. Mark each prompt settled or leave it open, and add your own notes.
- Keep a separate checklist for each conversation, and come back to it whenever you like.
- Print it or download it as text to take to a lawyer.
Questions people ask
- Is the checklist a legal agreement?
- No. It is a record of a conversation between two people. It is not a legal document and it is not legal or medical advice. Take it to your own family lawyer before going ahead.
- Does the checklist tell us what to agree?
- No. The prompts are questions for a conversation. What you agree is up to the two of you and the professionals you choose.
- Where are my checklist answers kept?
- On the device you fill the checklist in on. Print or download a copy when you want to share it or take it to a lawyer.